Earth, Wind and Herpes

Hi! I'm a 24 year old city girl who was diagnosed with HSV2 (aka genital herpes) almost four years ago but who refuses to give up on the idea of love (and really good sex) despite it. I've only just begun my journey of self-acceptance, self-love and self-discovery. I hope to chronicle my life relating to the virus and social stigma, create a support system and hopefully be there for anyone going through the same thing.According to the CDC, 1 in every 6 sexually active people ages 12 and up, has HSV2. One in every two will contract an STC (sexually transmitted condition) in their lifetime. Get informed, get educated and always use protection!Please check out the FAQs before submitting questions to make sure they haven't already been answered. :)Note: When asking questions, submitting stories, etc, don't use the word "clean" to refer to people without STDs, as it implies that those who do are "dirty". It's offensive and makes me uncomfortable. I won't answer your question if you use that term. For us to change the narrative and get rid of HSV stigma, we first have to change our own narrative and start by noting how we unconsciously propagate it ourselves. My email is earthwindandherpes@gmail.com if anyone ever wants to email me. :)

If you have herpes, fuck it. It’s not the end of the world and everything will work out. You’ll have awesome sex, you’ll meet an awesome person (or two, or three, I ain’t your mom, I don’t know how you live your life), and you’ll overcome this. You’ll figure out disclosure, and condoms, and OBs, and all the other crap, and hopefully you finally meet someone that’s worth everything you’ve gone through to get to that point.

So if you have HSV, I hope you don’t let it being you down because (in the words of Britney) you’re stronger than yesterday, now it’s nothing but hour way. Your loneliness ain’t killing you no mooooo’. You’re stronger (come on).

Asker Anonymous Asks:
was just wondering if you have experience on positivesingles... i recently joined but am not sure if paying for it is worth it yet? but then again i can't really do much with the free membership option...was just wondering your opinion... thanks!!! :)
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

I actually just deleted mine (had it for friends) and was on it for two years. Personally I never paid for it and never really had to. Just check out the site for a little while before deciding if you want to buy a membership.

Personally I met some cool people on there but my main issue with the site is the air of…settling and desperation. Basically every date I went on from there felt like at least one of us was just there because we knew we wouldn’t have to disclose later. Maybe that’s just my area though, I don’t know.

I finally switched to OkCupid once I was ready to be vulnerable regarding disclosure again and that’s where I met my snugglebear haha.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Just wanted to let you know you're one of the reasons I've found confidence and conviction when disclosing. I'm going to do it for the 3rd time today. I've had two successful disclosures before and I'm ready for this one. This is really an amazing guy... Ask I'm praying he takes it as well I hope him to! Wish me luck!
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

!!! On my phone so no gifs but hell yeah, high-five!

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Hi, I'm new here. I am just looking for some advice. I just gave my new partner who is in love with me herpes. He is very forgiving but confused hurt, exactly the way that I am.
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

I had no idea I was having an outbreak and we had sex. He doesn’t know that’s what it is because he wasn’t diagnosed but i know that’s what it is. I have been crying and apologizing to him over and over again.

Fuck. Okay. The first thing you need to do is take him to a doctor and make sure it’s HSV and not just genitals being weird. If it is: did you speak to him about it before? Did he know the risks? Are you sure he didn’t have it before and wasn’t diagnosed? If he knew the risks and you were 100% forthright and honest, then you didn’t do anything wrong. There’s always a risk with these things and sometimes you just have shitty luck. 

All you can do is be there for him and help him cope.

I've only had sexual contact with one person and that was when I was very drunk and he was not. We didn't have penetrative sex, but there was genital contact. There was no condom. This was several months ago and I have noticed what I am pretty sure are genital warts. I'm freaking out, I'm 18, live with my mom, and have no idea what to do. She thinks I'm a virgin so how can I ask her to take me to the dr. Should I tell the guy? When will I stop crying about it? No one knows. I'm so scared
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

Is there any way you can just ask to go see your regular doctor for your annual exam? You’re 18+ and patient confidentiality exists for a reason. Plus, basically everyone will have some form of HPV at some point (warts on “regular” parts of your body, like you hands come from a strain too!). 

Honestly, genital warts is nothing to be afraid of since they’re only cosmetic and usually go away on their own. They won’t affect you medically. It might also be your brain making you believe you have something because you’re scared you do. There’s a bunch of reasons why you might have some bumps that aren’t STDs.

If you’re seriously worried and you can’t go to the doctor, dab a bit of vinegar on the wart (just enough to have the vinegar on it). Don’t do this if it’s inside or near the vaginal canal unless instructed by a doctor, I don’t want you messing with anything down there. Anyway, if it turns white, it’s genital warts. If it doesn’t, it’s not. That’s what your doctor’s going to do, anyway. [Source]

Do whatever feels right. If you want to tell the guy, do so. If you don’t, you don’t have to. It’s going to be okay, I promise. Chin up, buttercup.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
is it possible to have ghsv1 and ghsv2?
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

Yeah it is, but it’s pretty rare and you most likely wouldn’t be able to tell the difference unless you specifically went to get swab tests.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
ok so i have ghsv1, and my bf has hsv1 orally. since we both have the same strand of the virus, and our bodies have both been producing antibodies for it, and we use condoms and are on daily meds, the risk of transmitting the virus (meanning i would get it orally, he would get it genitally) is very VERY low, right?
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

It’s not impossible but it’s a low chance, yes. It all depends how much you care about not having it orally or him genitally.

hsvswag:

earthwindandherpes:

I know some of you have contacted me regarding transmission reduction so I was super stocked when a few weeks ago, the cool people at Scroguard contacted me for a product review. I immediately was like “hell yeah!”.

The Scroguard is a latex covering designed to cover everything a condom can’t. It is designed to completely eliminate skin-to-skin contact since the pubic area, base of shaft and scrotum are completely covered. The penis-holder puts it on like underwear, sticks their penis through the hole, puts on a condom so that it ends up under the hole covering, and you’re set. (Condom not included,)

At first we were a bit skeptical, to be honest. It’s made out of latex and I have a latex allergy, so I wasn’t sure how it’d go. I thought it would make it too uncomfortable/noticeable during sex but thankfully I was totally wrong.

Regarding sizing, it fit him just fine. The main thing he didn’t like was that the back is like a thong so it rides up. a lot. He had a wedgie the whole time and it sort of took him out of the moment. He kept saying “maybe people that like butt stuff would enjoy it!”

Besides that though, everything was smooth sailing. It looks a bit silly but once we got going, it was barely noticeable. I was fine with the latex and it protected what needed to be protected. He did notice that the crevice where his groin meets his leg didn’t have as much protection but I think it’s because he didn’t adjust the side buttons after he put it on.

Honestly I think it’s a great product for anyone that wants that full protection. The downside of having to take it out of the bag and put it on is heavily outweighed with how much peace of mind it could bring to someone that’s worried about STC transmission.

Afterwards I asked TS if he’d consider using it again and as long as there wasn’t a wedgie involved, he was all for it.

I also really liked the packaging. They’re disposable and come individually wrapped in a discrete metallic pouch. The mailing package is totally discreet as well and would give no indication that it’s sex-related.

Personally I wouldn’t use it all the time since I worry about trash and the environment but I’d totally be up for using it if I was ever worried about transmission and really wanted the peace of mind.

Here is their link in case anyone is interested in learning more, purchasing it, etc. 

I have a lot of feelings about this product, so I’m glad to see someone in the community has tried it out. That being said: THIS PRODUCT HAS NOT YET BEEN APPROVED BY THE FDA. Just putting that out there.

And I can totally understand the appeal of this product to people in the herpes community. We crave peace of mind, since we know that condoms don’t 100% prevent transmission. But I also think this product… takes advantage of that fear? It takes advantage of that insecurity and exploits it to sell a product that hasn’t been proven to do anything.

Look at it this way: if I had a partner who tested negative for herpes and wanted to stay that way to the extent that they would wear this product when having sex with me, I’d actually be pretty insulted. Granted I have HSV1 and have been asymptomatic for over a year, so my standards are pretty high in terms of guys not considering me a health hazard. But herpes is actually pretty easy to prevent transmission of when partners are honest with each other in terms of when outbreaks occur. This doesn’t seem necessary to me. This seems like someone making money off of stigma.

IDK, I think my opinion on preventing transmission has changed significantly since I was in a long term supportive relationship. The mark of a true supportive partner was Fred realizing he didn’t really care if he got herpes because I had taken the stigma out of it. He encouraged me to go off Valtrex. 

I don’t know much about the actual company making Scroguard so I’m sorry for throwing a bunch of shade in their direction—for all I know they all have STIs and want to genuinely help. It’s cool (or at least smart) that they reached out to earthwindandherpes, it shows they know their market. But I’m not buying this product any time soon.

I wrote a super long response to this and the app deleted it. Urg. Anyway, I have a lot of feelings regarding this and will articulate them (again) as soon as I’m near a computer.

I just want to make it clear that I’m not endorsing or dismissing this product, I just like to keep you all informed of what’s out there in case you’re interested. Plus, I like writing product reviews!

I know some of you have contacted me regarding transmission reduction so I was super stocked when a few weeks ago, the cool people at Scroguard contacted me for a product review. I immediately was like “hell yeah!”.

The Scroguard is a latex covering designed to cover everything a condom can’t. It is designed to completely eliminate skin-to-skin contact since the pubic area, base of shaft and scrotum are completely covered. The penis-holder puts it on like underwear, sticks their penis through the hole, puts on a condom so that it ends up under the hole covering, and you’re set. (Condom not included,)

At first we were a bit skeptical, to be honest. It’s made out of latex and I have a latex allergy, so I wasn’t sure how it’d go. I thought it would make it too uncomfortable/noticeable during sex but thankfully I was totally wrong.

Regarding sizing, it fit him just fine. The main thing he didn’t like was that the back is like a thong so it rides up. a lot. He had a wedgie the whole time and it sort of took him out of the moment. He kept saying “maybe people that like butt stuff would enjoy it!”

Besides that though, everything was smooth sailing. It looks a bit silly but once we got going, it was barely noticeable. I was fine with the latex and it protected what needed to be protected. He did notice that the crevice where his groin meets his leg didn’t have as much protection but I think it’s because he didn’t adjust the side buttons after he put it on.

Honestly I think it’s a great product for anyone that wants that full protection. The downside of having to take it out of the bag and put it on is heavily outweighed with how much peace of mind it could bring to someone that’s worried about STC transmission.

Afterwards I asked TS if he’d consider using it again and as long as there wasn’t a wedgie involved, he was all for it.

I also really liked the packaging. They’re disposable and come individually wrapped in a discrete metallic pouch. The mailing package is totally discreet as well and would give no indication that it’s sex-related.

Personally I wouldn’t use it all the time since I worry about trash and the environment but I’d totally be up for using it if I was ever worried about transmission and really wanted the peace of mind.

Here is their link in case anyone is interested in learning more, purchasing it, etc.