Earth, Wind and Herpes

Hi! I'm a 24 year old city girl who was diagnosed with HSV2 (aka genital herpes) almost four years ago but who refuses to give up on the idea of love (and really good sex) despite it. I've only just begun my journey of self-acceptance, self-love and self-discovery. I hope to chronicle my life relating to the virus and social stigma, create a support system and hopefully be there for anyone going through the same thing.According to the CDC, 1 in every 6 sexually active people ages 12 and up, has HSV2. One in every two will contract an STC (sexually transmitted condition) in their lifetime. Get informed, get educated and always use protection!Please check out the FAQs before submitting questions to make sure they haven't already been answered. :)Note: When asking questions, submitting stories, etc, don't use the word "clean" to refer to people without STDs, as it implies that those who do are "dirty". It's offensive and makes me uncomfortable. I won't answer your question if you use that term. For us to change the narrative and get rid of HSV stigma, we first have to change our own narrative and start by noting how we unconsciously propagate it ourselves. My email is earthwindandherpes@gmail.com if anyone ever wants to email me. :)

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Any advice for people who get really bad nerve irritation? Sorry I can't find your FAQ on my mobile. Also I can barely find anything online about it. My arm, back, and head hurt a lot when I'm going to have an OB
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

Honestly, I don’t know much about it. I know that muscle nerves can be triggered by prodromal symptoms (basically it’s your body’s way of telling you the virus is active) but it’s usually just like a nerve shock near your groin/hips/thighs. Can anyone else help?

Asker Anonymous Asks:
this is going to seem like a stupid question, and that's because it probably is. i'm about to disclose to a boy i'm crazy about and want to try and soften the blow by cooking a nice dinner. i know it's a minor detail but i need all the help i can get. any specific recipe recommendations? additionally, any disclosing advice would be insanely helpful :)
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

It’s not a stupid question! Is this your first disclosure? My main recommendation would be to relax as much as possible. I’ve always done it in a relaxed environment, with as little going on as possible and with a possible escape route in case things don’t go well. I told TS while we were driving listening to NPR. I told the guy I was talking to before him on the phone while I sat in silence. It’s all about what you feel comfortable and your relationship.

If you’re sure making dinner is a good choice (because you want to, not because you;re subconsciously trying to convince him to stay), something you two can do together sounds like a fun choice. Shepard’s pie or steak with roasted potatoes are always good choices since you two can be doing two different things at the same time. It depends on how difficult you want your dish to be and how comfortable you are in the kitchen. Making pastry from scratch is more involved than making weinershnitzel (mmm, weinershnitzer). I don’t think I would make a 12 course meal for disclosure, especially since it might give off the wrong impression or make him think you’re overcompensating.

The calmer and simpler it is, the better. The more of a big deal you make it, the more of a big deal it will be. 

I have tons and tons of posts about disclosure so check out the archive. I also have a tag called "The Talk" which has posts like this one.

Be honest, stay calm, and don’t apologize. You’re doing a great, respectable thing by telling him and there’s nothing to be sorry for. If he leaves, good riddance. 

Asker insecttopia Asks:
Hi, Basically I just feel like I need an opinion from someone who truly understands. I was diagnosed in Jan this year with HSV1 genitally and it's only really hitting me now. This guy who wanted to be with me for a year never spoke to me again once I told him, now he's dating my best friend which really hurts! I feel like my STI is ruining every aspect of my life and I'm finding it hard to be positive these days.. I've lost so much confidence with myself and my body. HELP I FEEL SO ISOLATED
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

I’m all about perspective so instead of seeing your STI as ruining your life, you could see it as it showing you people’s true colors. Some people are fickle as hell and a cold sore on your genitals is nothing compared to things couples might have to go through (miscarriages, cancer diagnosis, losing your house). You want someone who is going to stick by you and will walk with you through hell and back. Not someone who just stops talking to you because you were honest. That’s just rude on his part and I assure you, you’re just seeing his true colors earlier. 

Using my STC as a filter has really helped increase the quality of people in my life. I want to be surrounded by supportive, loving, understanding people. Not people that will just disappear when things get tough. It’s okay to be picky with whom you associate with, and especially with whom you date.

Him disappearing is HIS problem, not yours. Don’t for a minute think you did something wrong or deserved that disrespect. You’re a lioness and you’re awesome, and you will meet really awesome people who will agree. 

If anyone who has emailed me gets a random Linked-In friend request for some random chick in Miami, that’s me. This thing is grabbing contacts from my gmail contact list.

I contracted HSV2 almost a year ago and I was genuinely sad at the idea that I would never have oral sex again. However, I met a guy from an HSV dating site who was a former porn actor and good lord he ate me out until I was numb.

THEY ARE OUT THERE, HAVE HOPE.

- Herpalicious

-x-

Asker Anonymous Asks:
just got diagnosed this morning...how do i tell former partners? should i tell them? i'm nervous about one in particular who turned out to be an enormous asshole who i planned on never speaking to ever again T___T
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

I think it’s important to let your past partners know as a courtesy but I also think it’s important to take care of yourself emotionally. Should you tell them? Yes, but it’s okay if you need a little time first. When I was first diagnosed, I was so upset that I couldn’t even fathom taking on the responsibility of telling past partners right away.

Do what makes you comfortable. If telling a specific person will be more detrimental and hurtful to you than not, then it’s up to you (personally I wouldn’t tell them unless I was sure he could have it, and even them it’d be via email).

I didn’t tell the guy I think gave it to me because honestly the pain was too much and he should be responsible enough to get tested. And if he doesn’t, well that’s not my problem anymore.

I’m really glad you were born 26 years ago today. I love you very much! Happy, happy birthday!

Asker andelephants Asks:
when i first got diagnosed with herpes (GHSV1) i mourned the loss of casual sex and more casual relationships. i no longer feel that way because i believe that even though i have to disclose before sex; that should not limit me to only being in serious relationships. I met a girl who i like that has told me that shes looking for a hook-up relationship- nothing more. she is cute, and funny, and i want to hookup and not date her. how should i go about diclosing?is it possible to be casual and pos?
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

It’s totally possible to be casual and pos! Just be honest about your condition and your expectations, and if you do get rejected, take it in stride.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I saw that you posted mine, one of the six you posted. I'm the 27 yr old with the crumbling insides. I'm happy to report, that the more I read and submerge myself in the herpblr community, my insides really aren't crumbling so much. I've disclosed my possible diagnosis to 4 very good guy friends and none of them blinked twice about it. They still think I'm beautiful, and funny enough still want to hook up. Silly boys. There's hope. Stay strong. What will be will be.
earthwindandherpes earthwindandherpes Said:

Well that was quick! It took me a year to get to that point. It took you like…three days! Ahaha. You go girl!

I wanted to post them all six at once to show how not alone you all are. Getting a diagnosing freaking sucks and I can’t tell you show many emails I’ve received in the same vein since I created this blog in 2011. The despair, depression, loneliness and hopelessness is a very common and natural response to an STD diagnosis. You’re grieving the death of your formal self and starting from scratch and it’s understandable to feel like it’s the end of the world. When I was first diagnosed I sunk into such a depression that I couldn’t see two feet in front of me.

Stay strong and know you’re not alone. I’ve been through it and I know a lot of others in the Herpblr community can vouch as well. It’ll get better and you’ll laugh again, and find love, and have sex, and grow. Life lessons aren’t always easy and at the end of the day, it’s up to you to make life as enjoyable as possible. Work on your self-esteems, be kind to yourselves, and take it a day at a time. It’ll be okay, I promise.